myself and everything else

My day, my dreams, and a few other things.

Night

Coolness grasps my thoughts

to pull me outdoors into nature’s night

underneath the darkness in the sky

crisp air I will breathe into my lungs

to clear my thoughts

of disgruntled days to come…

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January 31, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

The Rant!!!!

O.K. the last two days I worked were very stressful, I know I have mentioned this before and I am sorry to mention it again.  This stress had to do with a physician and hospital policies, and me taking a stand.  So if you all don’t mind in my own words I will explain what happened.

You want me to do what, I don’t think so, let me tell you what I think ####$$$@@&&&^^^((((:{:{:{ , oh and by the way ####@$#@&^#$%@^$&^%#@%#$%#^%^%^$#@#, why does that department not have staff well that’s not  my fault gosh darn ##@@@%&&^&&$##^%$^%*^%##$#^%$^$%^%$%^^$%^%#^%$&^.   That’s not my job, you ##@@$$$@@##$$%*&&^%$^&*&&^^%&$&%$&^%&$#@#@@@@@@@@.  Oh and by the way you ***##@@#$$!!!!#$#$%$%$@#@@%#^#%$#@@$%$%%$#@@!!!!!##.

If you have sensitive eyes I am truly sorry for my rant.  WOW, I feel so much better.  I promise I will try not to always talk this way in my post.

Thanks for listening

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January 25, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Silly weather….

The weather around here has been nuts, hold on let me think of a better word; ludicrous, absurd, dangerous, bonkers, preposterous, silly, idiotic.  Sorry I was on a roll, and had my thesaurus on hand.   Yes, wintertime in central Indiana can be quite amusing at times.  This year has been rather mild compared to last year.  One year ago it was snow and cold from the beginning of November to the of end of March, lots of snow and lots of ice.  This year, winter has been mild with a few cold days and maybe 2 inches of snow all winter.  This past week on Monday we had thunder and lighting, then it dropped about 50 degrees, Friday it decided to ice(me don’t like ice, snow good, ice bad).  Right now it is about 45 degrees and we will have severe storms overnight.

I always enjoyed the way the weather changes, I love tracking storms on the computer,  or watching the weather reports on t.v.  My family is always amused with my little antics before storms roll in,  I call it being storm ready.  Tonight I did get the candles, flashlights and weather radio ready and have jugs of water in case we lose power.  I can’t help doing this, being ready for storms, regardless if it’s spring or winter  makes me feel more in control.  I learned several years ago that not being ready can be scary especially when you have young children and husband is stranded elsewhere and you live in the middle of nowhere.  Now I consider myself more self sufficient and capable of surviving without modern conveniences, hopefully we won’t have to, at least not tonight.

Be safe everyone,  goodnight..

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January 22, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Big “M”

What is it about french fries that taste so good?

Last night on the way home from work, (I had just worked 3, 12 hour shifts) I pulled in to the drive-thru of McDonald’s.  I’ll have to admit I like to eat healthy, I love fruits, vegetables, fish, don’t even get me started on fish, I could eat crab, shrimp, salmon, tuna, sushi all day long.   Last night though as I was driving home I saw the big yellow “M” it was glowing especially bright last night.  The big beautiful yellow “M” called out to me, “please come, it has been so long.” So I choose not to ignore the big yellow “M” and pulled up to the drive-thru.  I ordered a fry, hamburger and ice tea.  The smell of those golden fries made me start to giggle with joy.  I placed them into my mouth as quickly as I could, oh boy they were so hot and salty,  so delicious.  I enjoyed every single fry, the hamburger and ice tea were good also.

So I guess this means I will be driving a different route home after work to avoid the big yellow “M”.   On second thought, the other route is longer.

 

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January 19, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Go west

When I look out my window towards western ways

I see horses and cowboys, and buffalo

Horses in the county

running through seas of golden grasses

I yearn to go west

to see mountains of untamed days of yore

for stories I have heard, in my youth

have made my spirit restless

for I hunger to open the door

and drown in the sea of golden grasses

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January 15, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

The Ocean

Sitting here trying to stay warm on a very cold and snowy day.  Winter decided to show up today.  I don’t mind so much, I do like winter, but I started to think of somewhere slightly warmer.

Last year my husband and I flew to San Diego, California to visit with our son, It was a short trip but an oh so wonderful trip.  I have never flown before, I mean I have never ever been in the big blue sky on an airplane of any sort before.  I admit I was a little nervous, oh heck I was a lot of nervous.  The flight was not that bad, of course I held off using the bathroom until we landed. Fear of walking on the plane, don’t worry we had to catch a connecting flight so we were only on the plane 3.5 hours each time.  I am a nurse and not being able to use the bathroom for several hours is not that uncommon.  Sorry, didn’t mean to get off track.  Flying was amazing, to be above the clouds and look down at mother earth, words can’t describe that feeling. Landing in San Diego was very exciting, I was like a little kid, just couldn’t wait. Yes, I was very excited to see my son, but there was something else I could not wait to see.

Standing on the beach with my feet in the pacific ocean was like a dream, that finally arrived.  A few years back we drove down to the Atlantic ocean and it was beautiful, and we had the best time, but now I was on the California coast. I was actually standing on a beach in California, it was breathtaking, the water was cold but warmed me and those waves crashing in on the sand made my heart flutter.  We saw harbor seals and so many pretty birds, we watched surfers surf until the sun went down.  My husband and I walked the beaches every chance we had during our short stay.  It was an amazing short trip.

 

 

Wonder oh  me, to see the splendid sea

Pacific ocean

salt water against my skin

breath of sand beneath my feet

waves from beyond the sun

the wonder of oceans

to make me dream

Pacific Ocean

Pacific Ocean 2010

 

 

 

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January 12, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Wrong side of the bed

I found myself deep in thought the last few days over a phrase I have used quite frequently recently.  I used it twice last week when I arrived to work and felt grumpy, frustrated.  When a coworker came up to me and asked if I was OK, I told them up woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Now I have slept on the left side of the bed, for how many years I do not know.  I thought about this today, would it matter if I sleep on the right side of the bed, would I wake up feeling happy, at peace with myself and ready to tackle the day.  If I ask my husband tonight to let me switch with him, make him sleep on the left side would tomorrow morning be better for me.   I guess the stress from work is getting to me, I hate being grumpy and not so nice. Usually as the morning progresses my mood improves, I put on a smile and it does help make the day better. Using this phrase, “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” is such a lousy excuse for me being a witch in the morning. This phrase will not make me get ready for work faster, not get caught  by a train on the way to work, or make me punch in on the time in the morning.  I guess my attitude is in need of a serious adjustment.  I will try hard not to be a grump tomorrow morning, and I will not say that phrase!!!

Now the dilemma for tonight, sleep on the left or right side of the bed.

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January 9, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

A nice day

Pretty pretty day, love the sunshine in my face.  There was definitely a cool breeze today, even with the sun shining down, wore my hat and a heavier coat outside  to walk around on the sleeping grass, soon it will be growing too fast, love living on five acres of land, which can be a challenge to manage, especially in the summer.  Had a beautiful blue jay fly by and land on the deck and watched it steal a piece of dog food from our sheep dog Maggie’s bowl. I had to laugh really hard when our male ram(sheep) decided to chase our son Cody through the yard. It seems Cody has been challenging him recently and today he was up to the challenge, nothing like getting rear-ended by a sheep to make a 20yr fall to the ground.  Ate a delicious stew for lunch and then watched some football with my husband.  Just recently watched the sun go to sleep and the night take over. Yes it was a pretty day..

Our one little sheep, well not so little anymore...

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January 8, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Winter

I wrote this little poem several years ago.  I always love to hike in the winter, just walking through our yard during winter is so special.  I love the silence, the trees are beautiful even without their leaves.  Last winter was rough, a lot of snow and a few ice storms made for a very long winter.  This winter has been very mild, today was in the 50’s, went for a hike and enjoyed the beauty of winter even though it was more like spring..

 

Sweet songs whisper as birds go by

as I look into the grey sky

snowflakes land on beautiful bare branches

as a glorious hawk sits and watches for prey

the cold wind blows gently into my lungs

bringing my soul to life

Walking through snow I only hear me

now my spirit is one with winter

 

Winter 2010

 

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January 6, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

Its cold this morning….

Starting this morning early today, mind is racing to much just to lay in bed. So I am sitting here at my computer wrapped in my snuggie, I received as a gift from last Christmas, yes a snuggie is needed this morning because it’s so freaking cold outside, but I could not stay in bed this morning, have to return to work tomorrow.
OK I am going to say it for all to hear. I am not happy with my job/career.. I want to clarify that I am a very good ER nurse. I have been working in the ER for five years, went back to college when the boys were older. Always wanted to work in health-care and being a nurse was something I always wanted to do. I choose to work in the ER because of all the variety, and I am proud of the way I care for my patients, and sometimes that is not easy when we are so busy or so short staffed. Lately I have been asked if I will go back to school to further my education and obtain an other degree? The answer would be no. I want to say in nursing there is daily education and required yearly education that I complete and do well on, but the thought of going back to obtain another degree in nursing does not appeal to me. I have hit a major road block in my career and just can’t seem to find another route that is appealing to me right now. I have been searching for a change, looking in to another area of nursing, and when I find something that seems to suite me I will probably leave the ER. But that alone will not change how I feel about this career that I have chosen.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way nor am I trying gain sympathy, just writing my thoughts. Maybe by writing my thoughts for others to read will help me find clarity, find passion in my career again, and maybe ignite a spark with other activities I have been lacking. I only have myself to blame, this past year I have not found passion in things I usually enjoy doing, hiking, camping and photography. I have let my dissatisfaction with my career take over elsewhere.
I have come to realize recently that keeping some thoughts to myself might not be a good thing. Sometimes saying it out loud can change your attitude. I have shared these thoughts with my family recently, not the typical I had a bad day at work rant. I have been more honest about why I feel the way I do and that I have no idea how to fix it at this time, but this helped. I guess that is why I am writing this now. I have heard a phrase before just can’t recall when; “Say it out loud.” It probably was a movie title, name of a song, etc.. Don’t worry I am not trying to corner this phrase just going to use it more. I guess it does help to say or write things for others to hear, and to be honest with your thoughts and don’t make excuses to why you feel the way you do.

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January 3, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

   

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